I think i sorta joined a cult last night
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
