Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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