you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
