This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
