you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just puked most of my soul out..
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