I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize