Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
