Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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