is your mom at the bar?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
