im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
