Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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