Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
