So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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