Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
