i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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