I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
