I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
