Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
