hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
