he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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