K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
