When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
