Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
