This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
