Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
