you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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