That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
