They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
