Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
