i don't like sucking hair
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize