Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
