I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
