I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
