Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize