recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
