I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
