He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
