fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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