just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
