literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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