she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
