Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
