we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
