she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
