i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
