Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
