remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
