Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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