I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My dick has a subreddit
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
