The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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