the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
