went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
