in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
