i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
