So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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