The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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