I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
