chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
