I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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