and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
