you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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