aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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