he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
