First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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