just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
