i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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