I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
