Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
