i don't like sucking hair
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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