Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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