You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
