I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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