Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
