Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
