I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
