You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
